Fellman's Movie Reviews

Hard Rock Zombies is a 1985 horror comedy film about a heavy metal band that arrives in a small town and ends up in a castle, where they are murdered by the family who lives there, only to come back as zombies. The patriarch of the family who lives in the castle is also Adolf Hitler for no particular reason at all. As well as many other wacky other script ideas in this nonsensical movie where zombies save everybody with the power of rock and roll. 

I think the reason I love this movie so much is because when this movie was made, the people who made it thought it was really good. The people who made this movie 40 years ago were like “this turned out great!” We’re laughing at it now because of the advancements of technology and the progression of writing over the decades. But back in 1985, people were thinking “wow! I’m really happy with the way this went!” Honestly, though, it looks like a Van Halen music video with all the production value of a high school play. And at one point in the movie, I literally saw the boom mic hanging down in the shot, next to the actor’s face, and they left it in the movie… 

But production value aside, the story is not only absurd, it’s nonsensical. They drive into town and get put in jail for essentially driving into town. The lead singer of the band then falls in love with a 15-year-old girl that he’s never met before. The band pick up this hitchhiker chick, and she apparently lives in a castle, where she offers to take them and let them stay for no reason whatsoever, and nobody finds anything suspicious about it at all.  

And let’s not forget the chick who dances in the street for no reason whatsoever for extended periods of time. And I mean LONG periods of time. It’s not like a couple of seconds or anything. They’re like, full-on cut scenes of this chick, just dancing in a field, or dancing in the middle of the street for like 20-30 seconds.  

Oh yeah… Also, grandpa reveals himself to be HITLER! Now, this just comes out of left field. I don’t even know what the reasoning was for this one. But they were having dinner, and then all of the sudden, grandpa pulls his face off, and “I’M HITLER!!!” Literally, exactly how it went. It makes as much sense as it sounds. There’s no rhyme or reason.  

But then, the band comes back as zombies, kills the family that killed them, who in turn become zombies. The newly turned zombies go on to kill the townsfolk, who are then turned into zombies. And the band has to play zombie rock and roll, to save everybody from all of the zombies. So, we’ve come full circle.  

Honestly though, I love this movie. Yeah, it’s bad. It’s poorly made. It’s poorly acted. It’s poorly written. The special effects look like something they put together in some college kids’ basement. But, it’s the kind of movie you would see on MST3K. And that makes it worth watching. So, yeah. Go and see Hard Rock Zombies. Because it’s not 1985 right now, but who knows what tomorrow might bring. And as always, keep on watching, with a smile on your face…