Fellman's Movie Reviews

Red = Spoilers  

Bloodsport is a 1988 action movie starring Jean Claude Van Damme about an underground martial arts tournament in Hong Kong called the Kumite. I’m not sure why, but this movie was on all the time when I was a kid. I’ve literally seen this movie so many times, it’s staggering. It’s like, Saturday morning cartoons, and Bloodsport. I don’t understand it. But that’s neither here nor there.  

What’s going on? Army Captain Frank Dux has trained in the way of ninjitsu since he was young and has been invited to a secret underground martial arts tournament in Hong Kong called the Kumite. He asks for leave from his superior to go, but when they refuse, he escapes and goes AWOL. Once in Hong Kong he meets Ray Jackson, a fellow fighter, and Janice Kent, a reporter trying to get a story on the Kumite. Two American agents also show up trying to bring Dux back to America to stop him from fighting in the tournament. It is extremely brutal, with no rules. People have been known to die. The previous years’ champion, Chong Li, killed a man in the ring and watched him die on the floor. The tournament takes place over three days with people having to win each day to move on to the next with only two people remaining in the final fight. In a fight with Chong Li, Jackson gets his head stomped and is critically injured and hospitalized. Chong Li also takes Jackson’s headband as a trophy. Both Frank and Chong Li make it to the final fight where Chong Li hides a salt pill in the waistband of his shorts and uses it to blind Frank in the middle of the fight. Relying on his ninjitsu training from his youth, Frank is able to beat Chong Li and become the first American Kumite Champion. 

What’s good? I mean, let’s face it, this isn’t really a good movie. It was Van Damme’s FIRST movie, and it’s credited for making him a martial arts star in America, but it’s not really that good. Don’t get me wrong. It’s fun to watch. If you like action, it’s got it. If you like martial arts and 80s music, hey, right here, buddy… But if you’re looking for a good story and quality camera work, you might just be in the wrong place. 

What’s bad? This is the 80s. Nobody was a good actor in the 80s. It was like America was going through puberty in the 80s. The acting is bad. The writing is bad. The editing is alright, I guess. There’s not really any problems with it, I suppose. Even the sound has a problem syncing up sometimes. Which, you would think they would fix on a final version.  

The actors? Like I said: this is the 80s. Expect 80s acting. The standards were lower. People didn’t seem to emote like they did years later. It was like they were still learning. 

The effects? It’s not really a special effects kind of movie. Mostly practical. People have blood on them sometimes. Frank makes that brick explode from the bottom of the pile. I guess that could be considered a special effect.  

Secret martial arts tournament. How do so many people know about a secret martial arts tournament? It’s not really that secret, is it? It actually seems to be pretty famous. A lot of people seem to know about it. To keep calling it a “secret” tournament kind of seems like a lie… 

Did he go AWOL from the military? I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to go AWOL from the military. He just up and left without telling anybody where he went. That’s probably why they sent those guys to come and get him. Because what he did was literally illegal. 

Everybody’s always talking about the Kumite. I mean, if they were trying to keep it a secret tournament, it might help if everybody wasn’t always talking about it, all the time. Everybody in the hotel is talking about the Kumite and everybody out on the streets is talking about the Kumite. It’s not really a secret tournament now, is it? 

Van Damme is Belgian. Yeah, Jean Claude Van Damme is a master martial artist. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that he has a thick Belgian accent. They keep trying to pass him off as an American, despite his RIDICULOUSLY THICK BELGIAN ACCENT… 

You can spot an 80s movie. You can spot an 80s movie from a mile away. If it’s not the hair, it’s the clothes. If it’s not the clothes, it’s the music. If it’s not the music, it’s just the general graininess of the camera. The 80s were the 80s and there’s nothing you can do about it.  

Is it secret or not? For a secret underground tournament, there sure seems to be a lot of spectators and gamblers at this tournament. Who are all these people? How did they get in? Who’s covering these bets? 

It plays out like a 90s video game. It literally plays out like any 90s video game you ever came across. You start your journey, there’s a dominant opponent that you’ll eventually face in the final fight. You go through all the other opponents to get to him. And then you have to beat the dominant opponent. That’s the story of Bloodsport.  

What’s the pile of bricks for? There’s a pile of bricks at the front of the entryway for no other reason than for people to just show that they can break bricks. What other reason would that pile of bricks be there for?  

Chong Li intentionally broke that guy’s leg. I mean, I know there’s no rules, but they have to at least be like “hey, come on…” He had already won the match, there was no reason to break the guy’s leg like that. It was just kind of, mean… 

Frank punches the big guy in the taint. It was literally the exact move that Johnny Cage uses in Mortal Kombat. Or is that where Johnny Cage got the move from? The Frank Dux Taint Punch… 

80s music and montages. There are several actual montages that, if you saw them in other shows, you would think they were parodies. But they’re not. This is where they came from. This is where they were real. The real life 80s montages. “Eye of the Tiger” kind of stuff. 

They never say why they’re saving him. The American agents that are trying to take Frank back to America and stop him from fighting in the Kumite never actually say why they want to protect him or what they need him for. They say he’s important for something, but they never say what that something is. It’s a real major plot hole.  

Chong Li keeps killing people. Chong Li kills like four people and he never gets disqualified. Even after he intentionally kills that last guy, they still let him continue. It’s like, you can turn your back on him if you want, but he’s just gonna keep killing people… 

Why’d they angle the platform for the final match? Why did they angle the platform up like that for the final match? What was the point of that? Would it be more exciting if the ring was at a 45-degree angle? 

He wears Jackson’s bandana just to taunt Frank. That’s just a real dick move, wearing Jackson’s bandana on his leg to taunt Frank. Like, “I injured your friend. Now I’m gonna make you recognize it.” Way to be a jerk, Chong Li… 

Nobody sees him reach into his waistband? With all the people watching, and the ref was literally right there, did nobody see Chong Li reach into his shorts and pull out that salt pill? And it’s not like he was subtle about it, either. He was on all fours and blatantly reached into his shorts and pulled something out. That’s like, the epitome of an 80s movie, right there. 

The obvious cloud of dust? Is cheating legal in the Kumite? Is that why nobody stopped Chong Li? Because that cloud of dust wasn’t exactly discrete. It was literally a giant cloud of dust. And then Frank started screaming in agony for no reason. Did nobody think “hey, I think something might have happened…” 

What about those two minutes? What was Chong Li doing for those two minutes that Frank was stumbling around blindly and screaming as loud as he could? It seems like he really wasted that opportunity that he was looking for. Like, the entire point of that salt pill was to blind Frank so he could get a cheap shot in. And then when Frank was blinded, Chong Li just kind of hung back for like, two minutes until Frank got his bearings again. 

The ref as a weapon. They both used the ref as a weapon three or four times. They kept throwing the ref at each other. Frank jumped off the ref as a springboard. He really should get out of the way. 

The pointless series of windmill kicks. After he gets blinded and he’s fighting back, Frank does this pointless series of windmill kicks on Chong Li and he misses every single one. I mean, I guess it looks good if you’re trying to show off how quickly you can do repetitive windmill kicks, but it’s not really effective in a fight… 

So, yeah. Go and see Bloodsport. If for nothing else, just for the reference of having seen Bloodsport. It’s not like it’s a great movie or anything. But if you’re a fan of movies, you’ll like this one. And as always, keep on watching, with a smile on your face…