Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me

Red = Spoilers 

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me is the sequel to Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. And aside from being a complete cash grab and rehashing of everything that made the first movie funny, it’s one of the worst comedies I’ve literally ever seen. There are maybe three or four jokes in the entire movie that are worth laughing at. The rest is hardly worth wasting your time on.  

What’s it about? Austin is on his honeymoon with his new wife, Vanessa Kensington when she’s revealed to be a Fembot that’s controlled by Dr. Evil. She then tries to kill Austin by self-destructing. Austin survives and goes on a naked spree through the hotel he’s in, realizing he’s now single again. Next, Scott appears on the Jerry Springer show on an episode called “My dad tried to take over the world” when they bring out Dr. Evil and reunite him with Scott. Then, at Dr. Evil’s Space Needle lair in Seattle, he is given a clone of himself that is 1/8 his size that he names “Mini Me”. Dr. Evil creates a plan to go back in time to the 60s and steal Austin’s “mojo”. Dr. Evil has one of his henchmen, Fat Bastard, infiltrate the Ministry of Defense and drill into the frozen Austin Powers’ to steal his mojo, making him impotent. The MOD reveals they have a time traveling device of their own and send Austin back in time as well to the 60s where he meets Felicity Shagwell, an American CIA agent. Felicity helps him escape an assassination attempt by some of Dr. Evil’s assassins until they run into another assassin, Mustafa, and learn about Dr. Evil’s secret Volcano lair. Fat Bastard gives Austin’s mojo to Dr. Evil, and when he drinks it, Dr. Evil seduces Frau Farbissina. Back in Austin’s “shag pad” he’s developing photos when Felicity tries to have sex with him. Not wanting to explain to her that he’s impotent at the moment, Austin leaves without explaining why. After he does, MOD calls and tells Felicity to plant a homing device on Fat Bastard by “any means necessary”. After finding the homing device and examining Fat Bastard’s stool sample, MOD discovers that Dr. Evil’s lair is on a Caribbean Island. Austin and Felicity head to the island but get caught by Dr. Evil. They escape their cell by Felicity showing her breasts to the guard. Dr. Evil and Mini Me leave for the moon to install a laser to complete Dr. Evil’s next plan as Austin and Felicity follow them. On Dr. Evil’s moon base, Austin fights Mini Me, until he flushes him out of a toilet into space. Austin then rushes in to confront Dr. Evil, who gives Austin a choice. Save the world or save the girl. Felicity tells him to save the world and then dies from the poison gas surrounding her. As Dr. Evil is escaping, Austin shoots him in the leg. But before he can kill him, Dr. Evil suggests use the time machine to go back in time so he can save both the world and Felicity instead of killing Dr. Evil. Which Austin does. Dr. Evil then throws Austin’s vial of mojo in the air and runs away after he presses the self-destruct button on the moon base. Austin misses his vial of mojo, and it crashes on the ground and Felicity convinces him that he never lost his mojo in the first place, and she travels back to the 90s with him. 

What’s good? Very little. There are very few funny moments in this movie. There’s a few. Maybe a couple of jokes that are worth laughing at. But I’m gonna say at least half of the script is literally lifted directly from the pages of the first movie. And not even subtly. It’s performed exactly the same way, it’s written exactly the same way. In the case of the “zip it” scene, it was a literal recreation of the “shh” scene from the first movie.  

What’s bad? Almost everything. It’s just a bad movie. And it’s not trying to be bad. It’s trying to be a good movie. That’s the worst part. There are movies that are bad on purpose. This isn’t one of them.  

The acting? It’s not the acting I have a problem with. The actors are fine. It’s the writing. It’s the script I have a problem with. It’s a cash grab, lowest common denominator movie.  

The effects? The effects are the same as any other movie around this time. They look no different.  

He was just having sex with her. He was literally just having sex with Vanessa like, 30 seconds ago. How did he not notice she was a robot? 

Why didn’t he duck? When she blew up the hotel room, he didn’t even attempt to duck. He just kind of stood there and watched her explode. What kind of secret agent is that? I thought he was supposed to be this super spy? He just stood there and watched her explode in his face.  

Does nobody care he’s walking around naked? He’s just walking around naked, talking and pointing at people, and nobody even stops him and goes “hey, why are you naked?” They just let the naked guy keep walking around the hotel and nobody seems to care.  

Michael McDonald. Michael McDonald is the guy watching the monitors in the very beginning of the movie. He’s also the guy who gets crushed by the steamroller at Virtucon in the first movie. If we’re talking continuity, that ain’t right… 

Why would British Intelligence have known all along? Austin tells Basil that Vanessa was a Fembot and Basil goes “yes, Austin… We’ve known all along…” And then he just moves on to the next topic without elaborating.  

Didn’t he kill Number Two in the first movie? Didn’t Dr. Evil kill Number Two in the end of the first movie? When he was going to make a business proposition to Austin. Dr. Evil pushed a button and sent him down in the flamethrower? Didn’t that kill him? I guess not… 

The photo shoot rehash. The photo shoot in this movie is literally a complete rehash of the photo shoot scene from the first movie. Completely unoriginal. Exact same joke. It even ends the same way. That’s the laziest writing. 

Frau’s a lesbian now. Frau’s a lesbian now? Which is funny, because Dr. Evil went back in time, she fell in love with him and became Scott’s mom… And then she becomes a lesbian 30 years in the future. Never too late to start, I suppose… 

She treats Mini Me like a cat. She sprays Mini Me in the face like a cat when he gets up on the table. Which is good. That’s how you should treat cats.  

Literally the exact same jokes. The “zip it” scene is a literal recreation of the “shh” scene from the first movie. Just different lines. And it goes on longer. They just found out the most popular scenes from the first movie, wrote a second version of it, and wrote a script around it.  

Why didn’t the rocket explode? That assassin shot a rocket launcher at Austin and that chick. Why didn’t the rocket explode when it hit them? It just knocked them out the window. 

Why won’t she die? How did she not die when they landed? How did he not die when he landed on her? He even says it. “Why won’t you die?” 

How is that guy missing? The assassin is standing above them, shooting downward from the window. How is he missing them? They’re literally right below him. Gravity’s doing the work for him. He shouldn’t be missing.  

The three-question joke. The three-question joke with Mustafa is one of the lamest scenes in the movie. I’m such a huge Will Ferrel fan, and I’m sad he was in this movie.  

Mustafa falls. Literally the exact same joke. Mustafa falls off the cliff and it’s literally the exact same joke. Again. It’s the same lazy writing, over and over again.  

How many takes? How many takes did they take for him to get that giant globe into that basket? He celebrated so hard when he got it in there. It makes you wonder how many times they tried it before he actually did it. 

Just the two of us. Why did they just break into that rendition of “Just the Two of Us” for no reason whatsoever? It comes out of nowhere. And then, all of a sudden, they’re singing and he’s rapping. It’s stupid and it makes no sense.  

Series of dick jokes. The repetitive series of dick jokes with different names for “penis”. Yeah, we get it. There’s a lot of words for “penis”. They probably could’ve gone on longer if they wanted to. That doesn’t make it funny… 

How many times did they do the exact same joke? How many times in that movie did they literally take the exact same joke from the first movie and transplant it into this movie? The exact same joke.  

The spinning chair. That spinning chair gag could’ve been a funny bit if would’ve done it right. Put it somewhere else. Made it happen to him while he was trying to explain a plan or something like that. But they weren’t being original with this movie. This movie wasn’t about that. It was about profits, and it was about what they thought the people wanted. That’s why there’s literally 10 The Fast and the Furious movies… 

How did Frau get up there? How did Frau get up to the Moon Base? She was down in the volcano base counting off the rocket to blast off Dr. Evil to go up TO the Moon Base… 

Why do they have to pose? Why does everybody have to go into that quirky pose when they travel through time? Like they jumped in the air and got caught in a freeze frame on a TV show or something.  

Do not touch. Why does the button that starts a party say “DO NOT TOUCH” on it? Is it reverse psychology? Or is it just a test to see who has the courage to press it gets the party? 

Jerry Springer in the end credits. Maybe one of the few funny parts of the movie is the Jerry Springer bit at the end of the movie where Scott is now an emo teen, and he learns that Frau is his mom and Jerry has his Jerry’s moment. That’s one of the few funny moments in the movie.  

So, if you want my advice, don’t waste your time on this stupid movie. It’s a giant piece of trash. There’s plenty of other comedies out there that are worth watching. And as always, keep on watching, with a smile on your face…