Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

Red = Spoilers 

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story is a 2004 comedy starring Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller who own competing gyms. Ben Stiller plays White Goodman, the successful, narcissistic owner of Globo Gym. And Vince Vaughn plays Peter LaFleur, the carefree owner of Average Joe’s. The failing gym with its clientele of faithful misfits. The bank serves Peter with a foreclosure notice and tells him that he has 30 days to pay $50,000 before they sell the property to Globo Gym, who plans to bulldoze the property and make a parking lot out of it. I think this is one of Vince Vaughn’s few good movies, seeing as he plays the same character in pretty much every movie. This movie revolves around the rest of the characters, not him. Which is what makes it that much funnier. It’s the same reason Old School was funny. He wasn’t that big a part of it. He wasn’t the star. He was just one of the main characters.  

What’s it about? First, we go through a tour of Globo Gym and meet the owner, White Goodman. He’s narcissistic, cocky, and condescending about his physique and his gym. Then we meet Peter, who is sleeping on his couch, and when he wakes up and his car starts on the first try, he says “it’s going to be a good day”. Next, head inside to meet the faithful staff and clients of Average Joe’s. Justin Redman, a high school student and regular customer. Gordon Pibb, a regular customer with a penchant for obscure sports. Steve Cowan, a regular customer that dresses as a pirate. And Owen Dittman and Dwight Baumgarten, the only two employees of Average Joe’s. Peter heads into his office to meet Kate Veatch, a lawyer for his bank that tells him about the forclosure and that Globo Gym is going to buy Average Joe’s in 30 days if he can’t pay $50,000. Peter tells the rest of the guys at the gym and in an attempt to raise the money, they try to have a sexy car wash. Unfortunately, a sexy group of women in bikinis is doing it on the same day right across the street, ruining idea. When they get back to the gym, they find a cardboard cutout of White with motion sensors in the eyes standing in the doorway with free memberships to Globo Gym attached to it. Looking through an obscure sports magazine, Gordon has the idea to play in a dodgeball tournament that pays a $50,000 grand prize to the winner. Justin says that he watched a video in gym class that showed them how to play dodgeball and Dwight asks him if he can get his hands on the video. They then go on to play girl scout troop 417 in a qualifying round but lose. And then they are declared the winners when one of the girl scouts is disqualified for using anabolic steroids and beaver tranquilizers found in her urine. Using a hidden camera White installed in the cardboard cutout, he finds out they’re forming a dodgeball team, and forms one himself. He then uses some personal connections to bypass the qualifying round and get his team into the tournament. After meeting him in a bar parking lot one night, Patches O’Houlihan, an ex-dodgeball star, offers to coach the Average Joe’s team. White learns where Kate lives and heads there uninvited to tell her that he lied to the bank about her stealing and drinking on the job to get her fired so they could date. This enrages Kate, and when Peter comes to ask her to join Average Joe’s team, she accepts. After playing through the tournament, Average Joe’s and Globo Gym both make it to the final round. The night before the match, a falling sign in the casino falls on Patches and kills him. After he returns to his room, Peter finds White waiting for him with a bribe and a contract to buy Average Joe’s for $100,000. The next day, Steve is missing before the game, Amber comes to ask Justin to fill in for his rival classmate in the cheerleading competition, and Peter checks out of the hotel early and can’t be found. Peter runs into Lance Armstrong who restores his confidence and Justin helps Amber win the cheerleading competition, but the team has already forfeited the game when Gordon discovers that the dodgeball chancellor can overturn the forfeiture with a vote from the judges. The judges rule in favor of letting them play. After an intense game, the game goes into sudden-death overtime where Peter wins by blindfolding himself and dodging White’s throw and hitting White while blindfolded. After winning, White explains how he bought Average Joe’s for $100,000 when Peter explains that even though he sold Average Joe’s to White, he bet on them to win at odds of 50 to 1. Winning $5 million dollars. Which he’s going to use to buy publicly traded stocks of Globo Gym.  

What’s good? Dodgeball is a very funny script with a lot of great dialogue. A lot of which comes from Gary Cole and Jason Bateman as they’re commentating. I seriously wish there was more of that in this movie. It’s genuinely my favorite part of the entire thing. 

What’s bad? There’s not a whole lot I don’t like about this movie. I’m wracking my brain thinking about what’s bad and I can’t come up with anything. It’s just an all-around funny movie.  

The acting? They’re all A-list actors. Well, the main characters are, at any rate. The girl scouts aren’t. But everybody who matters is.  

The effects? There’s not really any effects in the movie. I think the most you can consider is when the light falls on Patches. And that was probably done practically. I don’t think that was CGI. It would probably have been easier to do it practically. 

Is necrophilia a genetic disorder? Is necrophilia passed down by generation? Because you can’t pass it down with a dead body. Who are you passing it down with? This is a real rabbit’s hole, here… 

Vince Vaughn plays the same character. Vince Vaughn plays the same character in practically every movie he’s ever been in. It’s probably who writers are looking for when they write something like this. “Who do you want? Vince Vaughn?” “Yeah! That’s what I was thinking!” 

What other sports are in the OSQ? I saw something about a squirrel on water skis… I don’t know if that’s an actual sport yet, but I would watch that… 

How do you deal with a pirate? There’s a lot of places for a pirate to hide in a gym. And pirates are known to be shady… So, I’m just saying. You’d have to be on the lookout for a pirate at all times, because you never know if something’s gonna come jumping out at you. 

You can use cupholders in a gym. Why wouldn’t you want cupholders in a gym? People have drinks in gyms. People are drinking stuff all the time. Cupholders are a good idea, I think… 

Why would there be clay in Justin’s school? Where is there clay in Justin’s school that they’re making him eat it? And how are they making him eat it? This leads to a whole series of questions about clay that are just illogical at best. 

The cutout. Why would you not immediately think there was something wrong with the cutout of your rival after you came back and found it in your gym after you had left it locked? How did they get it in there? 

White’s crotch pump. The fact that he can pump it up and deflate it means that he is constantly filling it up and letting air out of it at different times. That takes effort. He puts a lot of effort into making his package look bigger than it really is. 

Threw up in my mouth. I like how she gagged when he came on to her and he didn’t even bat an eye. He just kept going.  

Dodgeball propaganda film. The dodgeball instructional video is from the 40s at least. When did they start colorizing films? How long have they been showing that film at Justin’s school?  

The 5 Ds of dodgeball. Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive, and Dodge. That second “dodge” is important, because it’s “dodgeball” and you don’t want to get hit by the ball…  

The girl scouts really kicked Average Joe’s ass. It was their first game. They hadn’t really learned the rules yet. Those girl scouts had probably played together for a while and gotten to know each other already. Plus, they were dishonest… 

He likes his urine? Patches drinks his own urine? I mean, granted, it is sterile. So, technically, there is no harm. But still. Gross… 

Sex with pizza? “Personal reflection time” equates to “having sex with pizza”? He can’t just jerk off like regular guys? Gotta get kinky with it? 

How did he hear him snap? How did Me’Shell hear him snap so far away while he was also wearing that helmet at the same time? Because he was there in like, an instant.  

Gary Cole and Jason Bateman. Gary Cole and Jason Bateman as Cotton McKnight and Pepper Brooks is my favorite part of this movie. Pepper has the greatest lines in the movie and Cotton’s reactions are just priceless. 

Hasselhoff. Why is Hasselhoff standing there with a portrait of himself? Of is that a stupid question in and of itself? 

Dwight’s cousin. Did Dwight’s cousin actually fall off a roller coaster and die? Because he didn’t seem too upset about it. He was just pointing it out.  

$100k seems like less. $100 grand doesn’t seem like a whole lot when it’s just a single stack of bills in a briefcase. I guess it’s just a matter of perception.  

Why are they yelling at him? Why were they yelling at Steve and throwing things at him? He’s just a guy on the street. And they’re in Las Vegas. How many weird looking people are there in Las Vegas? A guy dressed as a pirate has got to be one of the least weird looking out of all of them… 

Donkeys are horrible mascots. The donkey is one of the worst mascots. When you’re picking mascots, you want to go for something ferocious, or fast, or sleek, or even respectable. But not goofy. You don’t want your opponents to look at your mascot and laugh. You want your opponents to look at your mascot and expect to lose.  

Who does the fake handshake thing? Who does the fake handshake thing anymore? Where you pretend to shake somebody’s hand and then pull your hand away at the last second? I’m gonna start doing it. I’m gonna bring it back… 

Believe in unlikelihoods? There’s no such thing as a miracle. There’s only probability and statistics. Even if something only has a 1% chance of happening, that doesn’t make it impossible. Just improbable. That’s the entire point of a “hail mary” in football. Taking that long shot downfield. The chances are low, but somebody might catch it. Might as well try.  

Fat Ben Stiller. At the end of the credits, fat Ben Stiller does a hidden segment where he dances to “My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard”. I don’t know why I find this bit so funny. He’s just so angry about it while he’s doing it.  

So, yeah. Go and see Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story. It’s one of the funnies comedies you’ll see about dodgeball in your lifetime. And as always, keep on watching, with a smile on your face…